Waiting for Baby

Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely LOVE being pregnant!  It is honestly one of the only times in my life that I have felt completely comfortable in my body.  I love the bump, I love knowing there is a life growing inside of me, and I don't even mind the stretch marks that much (they do go away eventually, right?!?)!  However, these last few weeks have been rough.  Really rough.  Baby Boy is definitely taking a toll on my body.  Besides being exhausted all the time, it's been painful to even walk.  And I sooo miss being able to sleep on my stomach and roll over in bed without screaming out in pain and taking 5 minutes.  The aches and pains are definitely getting to me...these last weeks have been much worse than I ever remember the last weeks being with Fenna.  And I have been getting down and feeling sorry for myself.  But today I had a wake up call.  I met a very happy, friendly lady who was wearing a stocking cap and eating a jar of baby food for lunch because she had recently undergone chemotherapy and that was all her stomach could handle.  I read a story of a boy born with no limbs who didn't let that stand in his way of doing everything his brothers did, and another of a baby that died within hours of being born.  I can't imagine that heartbreak.  I have friends and family that aren't able to conceive.  I cannot imagine that pain.  I have nothing to complain about.  I have an amazing 13 month old and a little boy I am going to hopefully meet very soon.  I need to keep everything in perspective.  Sure, I am in a little pain right now, but this will pass and when it does it will come out as a huge blessing.  So, I want to share some pictures (taken by the every so talented Melissa Pennington Photography) that make me feel beautiful so I can remember how blessed I am to be able to carry this child, this new life that God created.

  

I'm Not Super Mom

I'm not sure how to start this post because I've never had a post this negative before, but I need to get this out.  Let me just preface by saying that I honestly have nothing to complain about, I have so many blessings in my life.  Despite that, sometimes I just feel beat down and like a failure.  Fenna Mae just turned one a few weeks back, and I'm now a little over 36 weeks pregnant with Baby Boy (we changed his name btw, it is no longer Mason) and I am tired.  I am at the point where my body just hurts all. the. time.  After sitting in a cubicle for 8+ hours a day I come home and there's dinner to make and a seemingly never ending pile of dishes to wash.  I feel like I don't have enough time to get everything done and I especially feel like I don't have enough time to spend with my sweet girl.  I feel like a bad mom.  When I get home I'm rushing around trying to get everything done and by the time I am free to play with Fenna, I am exhausted and don't feel like I am giving her the 'mommy time' she deserves.  And then before I know it, it's her bedtime.  She has been going to bed SO early lately, between 7:30 to 8, which is good, but it also means that I only have about 3 hours with her after I get home from work.  And I waste most of that time trying to straighten up the house and get things ready for the next day.  It's not enough time.  I'm not being a good mom.
There's so many things I want to do better at, but it's all just thoughts in my head.  I want to be a better mother, a better wife, a better housekeeper, a better photographer...but wanting doesn't get you anywhere, and that's exactly where I seem to be stuck at.  I look at other mom's who seem to have it all together and I just wonder why I can't seem to make anything happen.  I have dreams, but I'm too scared to follow them...but who has the time for dreams anyway?
I'm not quite sure what the point of this post is, besides me letting out some emotions (give me a break I'm super pregnant, that's what we do!).  I'm just hoping putting this out will maybe give me a push, or some motivation to DO SOMETHING.  To change what I'm doing now.  But at the same time, I know it won't.  I may be back in a few months posting the same thing...but maybe eventually I will get where I want to be.
And since this post was so depressing, I'll try to brighten it up with some Fenna during our play time together tonight (I have also been slacking on taking pictures!)!  Can never go wrong with that!

 

I have a ONE YEAR OLD!

On August 12th my little baby girl turned one year old!  I can hardly believe how fast this first year has flown by and how much my Fenna Mae has changed in that time!  She is walking, talking (gibberish!), trying to crawl on things that are way too high for her, and has just the sweetest little personality!  She is almost completely on table food now, besides her morning and night bottle (and middle of the night bottle sometimes, AHH!).  She LOVES food!  And we have decided to raise her as a nutritarian (only eating nutrient dense foods), which means no cow's milk and very few dairy products or processed foods.  To replace cow's milk we have been giving her a coconut/almond blend instead and she has been loving it!  She is a pro at drinking out of a straw, but we need to work on her sippy cup skills a bit still!  It has actually been a good decision for our whole family because David and I are eating healthier now too!!
I've been meaning to post on being super pregnant while having a young toddler...let me tell you it can be a challenge!  I'm currently 34 weeks + 6 days.  Fenna is definitely still too young to understand that she will be getting a little brother soon, but with her laid back personality I think she will adjust just fine!  We did change the baby's name also, but that will be announced when he is born!
Yesterday we had Fenna's birthday party (what the heck do you do at a one year olds birthday party!?!?)!  Everything went great and we had so much family and friends swing by.  Please enjoy some pics from Fenna's cake smash (we made her a banana/applesauce cake!) as well as her birthday party!!

And a few from her party!

And her Newborn to One Year Old pic!!!  Love this one!

The 11th Month

So I completely forgot to blog Fenna's 11th month after her 11 month birthday!!  Things have been crazy and hectic and emotional around here lately and this proves I have been slacking on more than just the housework!  Anyway, here is her update!  Right after she turned 10 months she began walking, like literally days after!  I am loving this stage, she follows David and I around (usually dragging her blankets with her) and it is just THE CUTEST thing!  But walking also means she gets into more trouble...the kitchen cupboards are no longer safe and as soon as she goes into our bedroom she screams and takes off toward Coney's bed.  She wants in there sooo bad, but seeing how it's the dog's bed we usually try to keep her out of it!  She is also talking up a storm!  She has said a few words, but none of them consciously.  So we are still waiting for that first word to come out where she knows and is intentionally saying it, I feel like it will be very soon!  Here are the memories from this past month!

The 10th Month

Well my little girl turned 10 Months old this past Thursday!  I can hardly believe it, she has grown by leaps and bounds this past month!  The most exciting news is that Fenna is now WALKING!!!  Last night she made it across the living room on her own for the first time!  She has been crawling like a mad woman this past month but over the last week or so she has started to master walking!  It is the cutest thing to see her wobbly walking around!  She is still just as happy as can be most all the time, this past month has actually been one of my favorites!  Hearing her little voice and watching her discover so many new things is so exciting.  She is also working on transitioning to table foods, this girl is just like me, she will eat anything you put in front of her!  Her third tooth also popped through recently, it is her top middle left tooth, and once again, we couldn't even tell she was teething again!  She makes me happy every single day and I can't believe she is all mine!  Here's some memories from the past month!